From tears to thanksgiving

Experiencing the depth of God's love in the gift of friendship

By Fr. John Carten, S.F.M.
February 2006

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Last spring I was blessed with the opportunity to visit Japan where I had worked for close to 30 years. After three years in Canada, I looked forward to seeing old friends again.

Landing in Tokyo on Thursday, I went to stay at the central house of the Columban Foreign Mission Society. A very close friend, Fr. Ted Dakin, the house manager, gave me a wonderful welcome. The next day, while trying to adjust to the 13-hour time difference, I took it easy and just enjoyed speaking with Fr. Ted and catching up on some news.

My friendship with Ted goes back 29 years. In February 1976 I was a newly ordained priest assigned to work in Fukuoka City in Southern Japan. That first month, I attended the blessing of a new church on the other side of the city. Ted was pastor of the church and it was at this celebration that we first met.

In the following years, we both moved on to work in other dioceses in Japan. Surprisingly, through no planning of our own, we often ended up in parishes fairly close to one another, even when we were in different dioceses. Ted also returned to his native Australia for a time and I returned to Canada for a few years. Over the years, my family had the pleasure of meeting Ted on several occasions.

Ted was a great friend, a wonderful gift of God in my life. Whenever I was struggling in mission, he always helped me to laugh at my foibles and at my own seriousness. And he rejoiced with me in the good times. I hope I did the same for him. On my trip back to Japan, it was a blessing to have the chance to enjoy one another's company again.

On Saturday, I traveled about two hours by train to Kamakura, Yokohama, to spend the weekend at Yuigahama parish, the last parish I worked at before leaving Japan. I preached at the masses on the weekend and was pleased to see how fast I was remembering my Japanese after nearly three years away.

By the following Tuesday I was back once again at the Columban central house. Ted suggested we go out for dinner that evening. During the meal, he surprised me by thanking me for my friendship, saying what a blessing it had been for him. I said the feeling was quite mutual. We spoke about how good God was to arrange for us to be in parishes that were close to one another throughout those many years, although we had both moved several times. As the meal finished, Ted said it was a long time since he had so thoroughly enjoyed a meal and a bottle of wine.

The next morning Ted dropped me off at the train station as I headed out to visit parishes in the southern part of Japan. By Friday, I was in Fukuoka to spend the weekend in Yoshizuka parish, the parish where I was working when we first met.

That evening, I decided to telephone Ted to say hello. We had another great chat and Ted said how much he looked forward to seeing me again in about 10 days.

God was preparing me

But that was not to be. The next day a telephone call came just as I had finished an hour of prayer in the chapel at the convent where I was staying. No doubt God was preparing me. My friend Ted had died of a massive heart attack last evening, about an hour after I had spoken to him. It happened while he was having supper with his fellow Columbans.

I flew to Tokyo for the wake and spent an hour sitting beside his open coffin. I was still in shock and found it hard to believe that my friend was dead. As I sat there, my tears were turned into thanksgiving. I thanked Ted for his friendship and began realizing how good God had been to me.

I fully believe that true friends are a gift through which God reveals the depth of God's own love for us. I was filled with gratitude. First of all for our 29 years of friendship. As well, Ted could have died a week before I arrived in Japan, but I had the opportunity to enjoy his friendship one more time before God called him home. And what a blessing to have spoken with him on the telephone just an hour before he died.

During the next few days, I was involved in the funeral rites for my friend Ted. As the funeral mass was about to begin, I stood in the background with many of the other priests who had gathered. Out of the blue, the regional superior of the Columbans called me forward and asked me to be one of six priests who would carry Ted's coffin at this celebration of his life. Again I was amazed at God's goodness to me.

When all is said and done, I cannot help but recognize the hand of God in the unfolding of my trip to Japan. Once again, I am amazed at God's providence and goodness. How gently God walks with us even in times of sorrow, carrying us and giving us life. I feel a renewed challenge to continue to walk on as a person of faith, trusting that God will always be there, supporting, encouraging and loving me through the wonderful gift of friendship.

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